Forgiveness is bullshit.

 

Forgiveness as a concept is complete and utter bullshit. I'm sick of hearing about it.

 

> "Have you tried forgiving your abuser?"

 

No. Why the fuck would I do that? Why would I give them the idea, let alone the satisfaction, that what they did is okay? Why would I let them get away with it? For 18 years, I suffered. I am not about to let that get swept under the rug. Why give them the excuse to continue their abuse? "So-and-So forgave me, so what I'm doing isn't that bad." Or "So-and-So forgave me. Why can't you?". Fuck that. 18 years of abuse and neglect aren't just "gone" with one sentence. Why should an abuser get to feel like they got away with it?

 

> "Forgiveness is for you, not them. You don't have to tell them you forgive them, but you can do it in your head for yourself."

 

Why not just tell me, "I don't want to hear about your abuse or your abuser any more. Just get over it." That's what you're saying to me. I suffered for 18 years directly, but I'm still suffering now, 5 years after getting away. The pain and the hurt and the toll don't just stop after you are no longer living with your abuser. 5 years later, and I'm still reeling in the after-effects. I am emotionally and mentally fucked up because of everything they did. "Forgiveness" isn't going to just erase that. Saying "I forgive my abuser" isn't going to stop the damn torment and nightmares and mental health issues I suffer daily because of them. It will not help me to "let it go" or pretend it never happened or even accept that it did happen but "get over it".

 

> "Forgiveness is the first step to fixing things."

 

There is no fixing things. I will never speak to my abusers again. I am unwilling to put myself back into that situation. I will not subject myself to them anymore. And again, I will not let them use my "forgiveness" to rugsweep all the pain they inflicted. They don't deserve to be forgiven. They deserve to be punished. They deserve to see the harm they caused and deal with the weight of it for the rest of their lives.

 

> "Forgiveness is the first step to healing."

 

Fuck that. This is just telling the victim to bear the burden and the weight of everything the abuser did themselves. So because I refuse to give in to them and let them get away with it, I can't heal? There is no "let it go" to heal from all of this. I will not let it go. Everyone else let it go and the victims were the ones who suffered more. Four kids and dozens upon dozens of animals suffered for years because people "let it go". CPS was called 13+ times while I lived there, and did nothing despite being told by all four kids that they were being abused. The police were called many times, and did nothing despite the fights, and the countless violations. Animal control was called many, many times and did nothing, despite emaciated, filthy, dying animals all over the property and photographic proof of the neglect they were suffering. There is no healing for those that died at the hands of an abuser, and to forgive the abuser is to let them get away with murder, or (at minimum) torture for their living victims.

 

There is no forgiveness for abuse and neglect. There is no forgiveness for mental health issues caused by the abuse and neglect. There is no forgiveness for the countless (human or animal) deaths caused by the abuse and neglect.

 

I don't want to forgive abuse. I want the abusers to be punished. I want them to get what they actually deserve. I want them to be alone for the rest of their lives with nothing but memories of the pain they inflicted. They don't deserve "forgiveness" or your good-will or for you to be the bigger person. They deserve nothing.

 

And my abuser will get nothing from me. I will try to fight against them when I can. Call animal control when yet another skinny animal with necrotic tissue and smelling like death is found wandering on their property. Call the police or CPS when they, again, kick out my 14 year old sibling in winter with no jacket, no phone, and no close neighbors. I will be a haven of safety if and when their victims need me. But I will not give the abusers anything, not even something as useless and fake as "forgiveness".

 

Forgiveness is a sham. An excuse. A cover-up. Forgiveness is victim-blaming. Forgiveness is fucking bullshit.